When we think about change we often believe the lie that it is all a matter of will power…that we can force ourselves to change by merely white knuckling our way through. THIS is why we fail to achieve our goals, resolutions and we fail to bring about transformation.
As a doctor, mom, wife, and friend I have learned a few things about helping people over come resistance and find real power to transform their lives. Let me break it down for you in a simple step by step solution. (This was also inspired by Lewis Howe’s podcast with Chris Lee.)
Identify what you are resisting.
What are you struggling to change? What are you avoiding? Is it eating healthy? Is it having a difficult conversation? Is it facing your financial stressors or personal stressors? What is causing you to lose sleep at night? THAT is what you are resisting. If causes you discomfort, stress and worry. What you resist will persist. If you resist changing your dietary habits you will remain overweight. If you resist changing your spending behaviors you will remain in debt. You get the picture?
Identify the source of resistance which is a fear of something.
Resistance is always the result of fear…the fear of change, the fear of giving up something, the fear of discomfort, the fear of rejection, the fear of standing out, or the fear of confrontation. Fear gives you a false sense of security or safety in that you can continue to avoid the unpleasurable event, person or situation. Fear paralyzes you from facing the TRUTH.
The source of resistance is always a limiting belief that is fueled by irrational fears. A belief that we can’t do something, that we are undeserving, or that something bad is going to happen to us if we allow change and face our fears. We fear that if we have that discussion with our partner, that they will not love us and then leave us. Then we will be left alone with ourselves. But guess what that is okay. Tomorrow is another day.
Identify the price of resistance.
The price of poor health will be chronic disease and possibly death. The price of not saving money and spending more than you make is debt and stress. The price of not speaking out a problem with your loved one is resentment, anger and a break down of the relationship. Identify the price…this will become your motivation to avoid the pain. We race for change to run away from pain and towards pleasure.
Look at the consequences of not changing or continuing to resist doing what we know we should. What will your life look like in 6 months, a year, or 5 years?
Confront, surrender and embrace the resistance.
When we acknowledge the resistance that we are dealing with it is the first step of resolving it and transforming it. How do we we acknowledge it, confront it, surrender to it and embrace it? We speak TRUTH to ourselves. I am avoiding or resisting X, to get the pay off of Y, which gives me the false sense of Z.
When you surrender you accept it, own it without self judgement, embrace it and love yourself for having the courage to face the resistance head on.
Redirect your energy in a proactive manner.
What you focus on expands. If you focus on resistance it grows. Where your focus is your energy flows. Our minds will subconsciously lead us to where our focus is. If we want to learn about health, exercise and weight loss our minds will begin to put those things in front of us.
Build your VISION of your future. What is the vision of your future health? What is the vision of your future financial situation? Focus on your vision so it will grow! Declare your vision and you will begin to see things shift, especially your priorities. Abundance was never created from resistance. Trust the process and transform your fear into faith. Faith is what you know to be truth will happen.
So it is time to transform yourself. Take out a sheet of paper and start from the top and begin the journey to releasing fear and finding a new you!